I need my life back please!?

Im a 19 year old young man! Good looking, good athletic figure and i have been to college and got the grades i wanted and have a great job! Im a good person but something is missing. A lot of stuff happened to me, i was threatened at gun point on two occasions, bullied at school. I dont really have any friends because i just distant myself from everyone! Im scared of growing up, I still feel like a little kid and i feel so lost. I have no motivation at all for life anymore. Im really confused about my sexuality, I was with another guy for about a year and that ended badly.Ive had girlfriends in the past but now i cant even get attracted to a girl sexually or anything! If i see a girl and she looks beautiful ill say it but peple say "oh your gay for saying that" I find it disrespectful for a guy to say "oh she is peng/fit/hot! I find it cheap and not nice. However i have always always wanted to be a wrestler. I know im going to get flamed for this but wrestling is always been a dream for me and i dont let who i am affect my dream. i know ill never make it due to my sexuality but :/ i feel so lost and alone ive spoken to councellors my mum everyone and nothing is working. My life is going nowhere. I have tried to focus of positive thoughts, tried meditation but nothing works. I hate who i am and want to change so badly. Anyone please please help me! I cannot accept who i am because i dont want to be who i am! Please anyone offer any advice?